Breaking through the Rebellion: How to Move from Conflict to Cooperation with your Teenager
The adolescent years can be a challenging period for parents’ patience and family life. As adolescents grow up, they tend to challenge your rules, and your authority and even disrespect you. Being a teenager means striving for autonomy, an independent set of own values and priorities, and often talking back to you or disobeying your directions.
How can you deal with these situations as a parent? While every situation is unique and has its own specific dynamics, there are a few common guidelines that can be followed for conflict management with teens and breaking through their rebellion.
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Understanding your Teenager
While your teenager is not a child anymore, they are not yet an adult either, although they may believe that they are. They feel they are as experienced and knowledgeable as adults, if not even more. However, their brains are not fully developed yet, and their understanding of risk is different than those of the parents. And it is easy for them to be persuaded by their peers and online groups and values.
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Setting Rules
It is crucial for parents of teenagers to keep healthy relationships and also to ensure their safety. Arguing is not necessary. Make rules and set clear and specific boundaries together with your teenager when the situation is calm and your relationship is friendly. Help teenagers understand what is expected of them and understand what they expect of you.
This friendly negotiation can guide them in their decision-making when situations call for it. Do not expect easy negotiations, as teenagers tend to push back and are often very skilled negotiators with excellent arguments. If you find yourself tested or unsure of your answer, negotiate time to think about it before you provide your decision.
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Set Clear and Specific Rules
Vague or ambiguous rules can lead to confusion and misinterpretation, and arguments down the road when the rules were not followed. Be clear about which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. Negotiate together with your teenager the consequences when breaking the rules. You will be surprised how strict and fair your teenager can be in setting consequences for themselves.
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Consider your Teens’ Needs and Preferences when setting Rules
While it is important to establish clear rules, it is also important to consider your teenagers’ opinions and feelings. Ask for their input and involve them in the decision-making process. This can help them feel more invested in following the rules and can also help build trust and understanding between you and your teenager.
While it is important to set rules and expectations, it is also important to be understanding and accepting of your teenager’s preferences. Setting overly restrictive rules can lead to frustration and rebellion. It is best to negotiate these rules together with your teenager and have them agree to them.
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Be Consistent in Enforcing Rules and Consequences
Make sure you enforce the previously and mutually agreed upon rules between you and your teenager. If you fail to enforce the rules, your teenager may interpret this as lacking importance and disregard the rules. Consistency helps establish a sense of predictability and trust between you and your teenager.
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